Our emotions, like boats, will right themselves…
I’ve just experienced what I now call, a growth week. In the middle of it, I felt lost. “At sea” as I’ve labelled it in the past.
Like lots of people, I’ve got a fair few things going on; work and relationship stuff mainly. Working for oneself, as awesome as it is a lot of the time (I mean, I’m sitting typing this in the sunshine and can choose exactly what I want to do) in moments, it has weight. Really difficult times of not knowing who the F you are and where the F you’re going. Like, this week, the wind dropped from my sails for seemingly absolutely no reason. My motivation and drive to do anything was showing a rainbow spinning wheel (or a blue screen on a PC). Sorry, too much going on, “the computer says no”. Not great when you’re responsible for your own income. That left me with the worry of the unknown chilling me like an unwelcome ghost. I’d felt the feeling before, many times, it’s the precipice of uncertainty or put another way, the edge of an anxiety spiral. My way of dealing with it in the past was, “Something is wrong, I’ve got to fix this” — thank you kickboxing for getting me through. Now though, I’ve learned that it’s a sign to stop pushing and start drifting. To not try for a bit and let the “boat” right itself. It’s taken a long time to accept this but our bodies are excellent at that — they hold all the wisdom — our brains don’t know shiiiit, really. We just have to trust (that’s the tricky part) that we can let ourselves feel whatever it is that needs feeling. When we do that, the boat flips, the clouds part, and we will get back on course. There’s nothing for us to do, try or fix. Nature has a way. Think of a cat, they have an in-built mechanism to land on their feet. So do we from an emotional point of view, metaphorically speaking.
So, what did I do? On top of my usual practices, meditation, etc., on Tuesday I did the Osho dynamic meditation to help move some energy (I was still trying to fix it at that point if I’m honest) but it wasn’t until I fully accepted the feelings that things settled. The main drift tool was stopping work/slowing down and speaking to people. To be open and vulnerable about what was happening and to say how I honestly felt about everything that was going on, all of it, no holds barred. The truth is, I didn’t know. Tough to admit when you coach people on the subject but I’m human and we all have our limits, right? The feeling of the unknown, although familiar, is always new otherwise it wouldn’t be the unknown. After about the third call I felt a lot lighter and the ghostly feeling of uncertainty exited stage left like the Phantom of the Opera with his tail between his legs. A big thank you to those who listened and held space, my partner particularly.
The way I’ve summarised it to people, and I’ll be sure to remember this, was that it was “adult emotional growing pains”. Like a thawing of the ice around my heart melting to provide a deeper capacity to feel. A positive feeling if you think about it like that but man, when it’s upon you, it certainly doesn’t feel that way.
As always, thanks for reading
PRACTICE: Talking to people
WHY: Because out of all the healing modalities, it is hands down the most powerful but sometimes we need reminding. When we feel seen and heard in all of what it is to be human, the light and the dark, love and compassion return.
HOW TO START: Ask someone and say, “I’m having a bit of a moment, I don’t know how I’m feeling but would you mind just listening for a few minutes?” I bet you they make time. Perhaps you feel you don’t have someone. If that’s the case, you can always DM me on IG (@thevulnerabilityguy) but in the moment, talk to yourself out loud in the mirror. It sounds mad but it helps. Also, another tool is to say however you’re feeling out loud over and over until the words lose their “charge”. Remember, not knowing how you’re feeling, or the absence of feeling, is a feeling too. Say that.
Adam Slawson is a Transformational Coach specialising in Vulnerability and Authenticity in Relationships and the founder of Plight Club clothing. His mission is to redefine vulnerability. For more tools on tips to become better at expressing your emotions download his free e-guide here and/or visit his website here.
Living consciously and by choice instead of by habit is amazing but it takes practise. I’ll save you a lot of time and support you through the insecurity of change. If you’re curious about this work, book a free discovery call and I’ll answer any questions you may have…